I am thankful that I am the kind of person that forgives easily and then is willing to move forward. The unfortunate side of this is that I am also the kind of person that forgives others over & over allowing myself to get hurt further & further. I have realized over the years that we can’t forgive and then allow our own spirit to continue to be dishonored. There will come a time and a point where we wake up and KNOW that this is no longer okay. We deserve more and we are willing to take bigger steps to doing something about it. At this point, something has to change whether it be a perspective, a situation, an environment or who we keep as company. But to stay the same and expect a different result is the literal definition of insanity!
When we forgive another, it is important to recognize what responsibility we may have brought to the table in the whole situation. Maybe there are some aspects in a situation to which we need to be forgiven as well. Many times forgiveness is really lessons we need to learn more than the other person. I at least know that I am responsible for what I bring to the table, walk away with and how I respond versus blaming others for my actions in my life. And more likely than not, it took two to tango.
It could also be a lesson that we need to learn on what not to attract ourselves anymore. This too is a way that we can further forgive ourselves. For example, if someone grew up in a physically or emotionally abusive household, there is a greater chance that that pattern will be repeated throughout that person’s life. That is what was established as “normal” or “common” for them so it can in turn form a sense of security or normality in continued day to day life. Some people wouldn’t know what to do without that drama, energy or negativity in their life. They may even sense a void when it is a calm time and create drama or a hardship somewhere else just to feel their “normal” again.
This is something that in time I learned, not from an abusive childhood or household, but just from having drama in the house with my step family. It became something that always kept me on edge. Wondering what was going to happen next and remembering feeling hopeless cause it was all out of my control. Life always fluctuated in various forms with them. So I feel that I learned to transfer that over into my own romantic relationships as well as trying to be the martyr like my dad. I know when I finally took an archetype test, I was the Hero. It isn’t that I want to be a hero or look at myself in that way. I am just always wanting to help others and in my relationships, I have been that friend or partner that tries to save the other person. Even professionally, I try to make everyone I see have a much better day than they would have had they not gotten adjusted. It is important to me.
Over time, I have learned a better balance with this in my life. I have learned that peace is possible in all places. And I deserve that peace even though I wasn’t used to it after my parents got divorced. To change my ways and find this peace, I looked at patterns in my life. I learned that I will take it & take it when someone dishes it out my way… but there always comes a point that when I am done with something, I am done. It is like a switch. There comes a point where I have finally reached my limit, something settled in my spirit and I am ready to breakthrough for betterment. In that, I also learned that I shouldn’t keep allowing something or someone to create my unhappiness. I am responsible for that every moment. I can choose to be around it and put up with it… or I can choose peace. I can still choose peace if I choose their company, it just may be more work to achieve if triggers are still fresh. In these moments, it clicks where I know I can choose something other than what I have been choosing to create a different environment or at least a different perspective to find peace in situations where I may not have a choice at that time. It’s one or the other. It can be that simple.
Forgiveness is something that I had a friend ask me about recently. She has been being more aware of and practicing forgiveness. She was curious on if that meant that in forgiving, we keep welcoming back their same toxic behavior? I explained to her that I used to forgive and then try to forget, but that just kept hurting both me and them. Continuing to encourage a harmful cycle for us both. So separation with love and good intentions is the best way to go. We need to be sure to give ourselves the space and healing time needed as well as establish boundaries as to what we are willing and not willing to put up with. Not in a self righteous way, but in a self loving way. I ask myself, “What can another person expect you to go through in order for them to feel better about themselves? Would they do it for you?” These answers bring awareness and clarity when needed.
I have had a lot of practice in forgiveness in my life. We all have. For me it has been more intense and challenging in the past 8 years. I am thankful that I have found peace in some very unsettling situations all due to forgiveness. If not, I can imagine I would have a hard time even functioning daily when some of it hits so close and relates to a life tragedy that I will think about every day the ret of my life. But I don’t think about being angry anymore. I don’t think about how things could be different. I just remember it as it was, hold love and light in that space and let it go. That’s all I can do.
In forgiveness, I have worked diligently on forgiving others but also in forgiving myself. In forgiving both others as well as myself, I have become closer to wholeness than I have in my entire life. I have been able to drop more of the ego I wasn’t aware of running my life and connect more to spirit with God’s love. Forgiveness has been the most transformative thing that I have learned in the past 8 years. It has allowed me to love others more, protect myself from other’s hurt or life lessons, see the human in us all and break the chains than bonded my heart.
Each day, I work more towards forgiving and letting go in order to save more room for even more loving and light in my life. I hope this week you can ponder ways that you can do the same in your own life. Much love to you!